If you know Jason and I at all, you know that the last year and a half has come with great many challenges. Between finding out we were surprisingly expecting again, thinking we had lost the baby, being told that we didn't lose the baby, but still might, Ky's eye surgery, Beck's almost eye surgery, followed by his recent sickness issues, J's kidney stones, my hernia surgery, etc...the list goes on and on. But in the midst of all of the chaos Jason and I have been able to find peace in our relationship together, our individual relationships with God, and the comfort of our family and friends. And now, is no different.
Yesterday started off like any other. Kylie had another follow up eye apt. in the afternoon, but after a couple days of Beck not feeling well, followed by him not eating a couple meals in a row, he and I decided to ride with Ky and J since the kid's pediatritians office is across the road from Ky's eye doctor. I went in praying I was wrong, that he was fine minus a little cold, but was sadly let down when the doctor informed me that he has another double ear infection, his fourth in about 6 weeks. The words 'putting in tubes' had already been mentioned at our last apt. and I was really hoping to avoid that conversation. The doctor said that if it weren't for us expecting again so soon, he'd have already put them in. But, luckily, Beck's development (ie: his weight really) hasn't been super affected because of all the sickness, so I think I've managed to persuade our doc to give him another shot. I know if I can just get him through this winter, I think he'll be fine once he has another year to grow and his ear canals grow as well. So, he's back on antibiotics, as well as a daily dose of zyrtec in hopes that it will dry up daily congestion and prevent future chances of ear infections. I feel like this poor boy has been on some sort of drug for months now. So, needless to say, I met back up with the rest of the fam, a little less than thrilled, explaining to Jason how the apt. went.
I could tell by J's demeanor that Ky's eye apt. didn't go much better, and I was right. It appears that as a result of Ky's eye surgery she has developed something called Brown's Syndrome in her right eye. In other words, the inside muscle that was not cut and moved is either generally inflamed or overcompensating for the changes, causing Ky's right eye to dip down dramatically when she looks to the left. So, now she's on daily doses of motrin (to try and bring down any inflamation) and steroid eye drops (this poor girl is so emotionally traumatized with eye issues that putting these in twice a day isn't much fun). We will give this six weeks, when she'll go back into the doctor and be evaluated again. If the current solution doesn't work, they will likely have to go back in and correct the only remaining muscle in her right eye that they haven't cut on already. The simple thought of this possibility leaves me utterly speachless and completey stressed out. The odds of her getting this syndrome is less than 1%, leaving me to ask the question, WHY????? And then again, in all my frustration, and pregnancy hormones, I ask myself, WHY NOT? Why did I expect good news? With all the challenges we have faced. It is in this moment that I know I need to breathe and step back for a moment.
The positives:
-J's kidneys have been stone free since his last surgery.
-The baby not only made it, but is healthy and almost here!
-The procedure on ky's eyes 100% fixed the problem it intended to.
-Beck was able to avoid surgery and we're almost to Feb, where hopefully it will warm up some!
At church the other Sunday, our pastor preached on people's inabilities to take chances. This was followed with a really interesting conversation between J and I regarding our life. Regardless of how much we have had going on since the day we met (which is a lot, i agree) , very rarely are we presented choices, rather, we are thrown into a whirlwind of 'here's what life is going to hand you' and just have to deal. But in the midst of discussing it hit me that there is still a choice to be made. How you chose to react to what life has given you is a decision, and not always an easy one. Being biter is easy, playing the pity card is simple. When I look back I am proud of how we have handled the tough times, and I celebrate all the goodness that has come from life's little surprises.
Jason and I have both been trying to learn to do a better job of lifting our problems, and ourselves to Him. To realize that it isn't our plan we need God to support, but to give ourselves up to be used in God's greater plan. This lesson has been reinforced with every tough day our family has had, and we're trying very hard to remember who is in control here, or I guess, who should be...
For all the tough days we've had, like yesterday, we have twice as many good ones. But my favorite moment is at the end of the bad ones, where one of the kids does something so funny, that it makes you laugh and realize that it will all be ok. These are my favorite because a tough day, becomes a good day as a result of a simple smile from Ky, or silly laugh from Beck.
Being a parent is hard in a way I never expected it to be. It tests your faith far beyond a level that you ever experience with your own problems or dilemas. It is in dealing with issues involving your children that you really put your faith to the test.
Big boy...
Big boy...
