Halloween Part I...

Ky before school this morning. She was bummed she couldn't wear her costume, but this was our morning conversation while she was getting dressed:

her "mom, what is this on my shirt?"

me "Its mickey dressed like a mummy."

her "well...you're a mummy, why don't you look like that?"

this kid...always makes me laugh....

Loving on the sock monkey my mom made her, isn't it adorable?

Beck playing with his, and ky's monkeys.

Ghost busters...

Chewing on pumpkin while the big kids cleaned out the ''inards''

Ky at work, beck just kept crying ''it's yucky'' the whole time...

Happy halloween!

Loving on the pumpkin before carving began...

Perspective...

A good friend recently loaned me her copy of "Heaven is for Real." I've heard so much about it, but have been in sorta a reading rut lately. Actually, rut isn't the right word. Truth is I haven't picked up a book in about 2 months, and the last one I did start, I never finished (something I can't stand doing). My reading tends to be very cyclical. One month Jason will ask why there's all these charges for kindle downloads, and the next month I realize my kindle hasn't come out of my nightstand, period.

But back to the book. If you haven't read it, and you plan to, be forewarned, I'm going to share openly my thoughts.

In hopes of avoiding a complete synopsis, I'll sum up the book by saying it is written by a Dad whose son claims to have gone to heaven and come back during a near death experience. Maybe its because I read a similar book earlier in the year, "the boy who came back from heaven", or something like that, I can't remember the exact title right now, but I wasn't as blown away by it as others have been. That's not to say it was a bad read, I enjoyed it. Maybe it was just the similarities between this book and the earlier one that took away a bit of the "wonder" of it all. Either that or the fact that there has been many "Heavenly Trip" books to adorn bookstore shelves lately.

Regardless, back to the point of this post. Its nearing midnight and once again I find my mind churning (thanks to a brief section of the book). In it, the boy claims to have met his sister, a child who was never born, due to a miscarriage, during his trip to heaven. Jason and I have spoken several times about what it will be like to meet the two babies we lost before having Beck. But what is nagging at my brain is the idea that the son claims his sister can't wait to meet their parents one day. This seems like a simple, and quite obvious thought. But it was one that hit me hard. Giving those who never touched the earth feelings makes them so much more real. And not that I ever questioned their existence, then or now, but it adds a depth and perspective that is new to me.

As is human nature, I've only viewed our miscarriages from my point of view. I can't wait to meet them. I want to know them. I want to love them. The simple idea that they might want to meet us too is, for some reason, very overwhelming. And it makes it that much harder to handle. As a parent, we have an innate sense to help our children. To comfort them, to keep them safe, to provide for them a sense of security. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm just learning that this motherly desire to "mother" stretches beyond the here and now (at least for me)

Life is different for everyone. And different people can experience the same event differently. I don't know what heaven will be like. I only know what I believe to be true, and what scripture tells me, but if this boy's story is real, and I have no reason to not believe (God is amazing), I hope those two beautiful children in heaven are as excited to meet me as I am to meet them.

That time in my life is by far one of the hardest I've ever had to endure (along with Ky's surgeries). There are times when I'm alright talking about it, and times when I am not. I am a mom: a mom of three beautiful children here on earth, and two in heaven. I hope at the end of it all, my heavenly children will be able to say, "my mom rocks!"

Thinking of you both tonight. All my love.

What a goob!

Apparently I don't feed him enough. He'll sit and chew on his toes for hours...

Look at those monster teeth!.

Child of W-O-N-D-E-R

Love this one!

Having a perfectionist as a daughter...

Alright, so I'm going to begin this post by stating that I think my daughter is amazing. Now, with that being said, she's driving me crazy!

One of Kylie's strengths, self awareness, is also one of her biggest challenges when it comes to learning something new. She's all for it if she knows she can do it successfully, but throw out a new concept and she wants no part of it. A big part of learning how to write and spell is sounding out words and pushing through what you know about how letters work together, and what you still have to learn. This girl is struggling so much with the idea of transitioning from Mom telling her how everything is spelled, to her working through it on her own. There is something so terrifying about the uncertainty of correctness in her mind that almost sends her hyperventilating.

This evening, we were battling back and forth while she was trying to write a note to J. The realization that she just spelled "us" as "s" sent her into a downward spiral of unconsolable crying. After being denied another clean sheet of paper (in my opinion, she needs to learn how to solve a problem as oppose to wasting materials...she was writing in marker) she quit. Now, the day was done (as were all three of my children) and it was time for bed. But as I kissed her goodnight, I couldn't help but feel that I might have done the wrong thing.

Quitting should never be an option, or at least, not one we quickly come to. Next time, I vow to teach perseverance in a way I failed to tonight.

Parenting is a learning process, and sometimes we walk away knowing we could have done better.

So here's to tomorrow, and to our new motto: It is okay to not know, but it is not okay to stop trying.

Halloween preview and more...

This big man keeps my stomach tight with laughing day in and day out. His new favorite phrases are, "not yet" (which is fun when this is his response to every transition question I ask him) and "this cold?" which is always followed with "this hot?" He's doing well with learning his colors, and of course he can name almost every type of construction machine there is! The train table is still a big hit, however, now its just the game of tearing it all apart after mom takes time putting it all back together. I have to remind myself not to get frustrated, this is all apart of the learning process for him no matter how much if drives me crazy. When you ask him how old he is he'll say "two" and hold up any number of fingers on one or both hands (still need to work that one out) He loves doing his gymnastics class, but most of all, he LOVES his big sister.

On Sunday of this past weekend my dad took Kylie on a "Dampa-Kylie" date day. For my dad's birthday gift we got him two tickets to have brunch at the Rec center and take a charter bus to go see Disney Live! Here's a pic of the two of them before leaving the house. Kylie was SO excited! My dad showed up with a rose and a princess balloon. I don't think she could have asked for anything more out of the evening...

On Friday night, the five of us (yes, even Jason and I) donned our costumes and headed to a neighbor's halloween party. I was worried about how Beck would do in his monkey costume, but he did WONDERFUL! He loved it and kept running around making monkey noises. Jason and I both went as super heros (spiderman and batgirl) Ky always loves that we're willing to dress up with her.

She wanted to be a mermaid, so I found this costume online and thought it would work. It didn't look itchy (something that's always a problem) and I wanted to avoid a tail that would get in her way) I must have stretched a little too far because most people kept asking her if she was barbie...i don't know, I see mermaid, but whatever! Could it be the side pony and dress up shoes? I made her wand (yea, I don't know why a mermaid would have a wand either, but she's was adamant about it) and hair piece. Jason said she looked more like a "woman of the night" if you know what I mean. I had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard after he said it!

I can't wait to celebrate Halloween with the kiddos. We haven't even had a chance to go to a pumpkin patch yet, things have been so busy, but we're hoping to hit one up this weekend and get the carving done as well!

Happy (almost) Halloween!

Say Cheeeeese!

I realized it had been a while since I got a good shot of Stratton, well really any of the kids, but especially Stratton. There's something so uninspiring about trying to capture Beck in pictures right now (maybe because its impossible) that I've sorta been slacking in the picture taking department all together. Yesterday, Strat woke up a bit before Beck from his afternoon nap, so I decided to try and get a few shots in, hoping that one or more would turn out. I so wish I knew how to really USE our camera, but nonetheless I think I at least got a couple reasonable pics in. I posted a few of my favorites.

The one below is my favorite. I think its the only shot I've ever taken where his head shape and hair doesn't make him look like an alien, and I love how he's showing off his full lips.

His eyebrows and eyes are so full of expression. Cracks me up!

Took a couple shots inside before heading outdoors. The light wasn't really working for me (again, wish I knew how to work the camera)

Sure hope that big head is full of brains!!!!

Grins and giggles!

The crazies...

Beck is LOVING the warm sun and cool breeze that comes with Fall.

Kylie before school this morning. She's so stinkin' cute!

Stratton passed out on our morning walk. He wasn't even tired, I think he was just enjoying the cool breeze.

Priceless

The down side to being the younger brother to an older sister. She encourages you to play dress up with her (and then proceeds to laugh at you) and you're so little you got no clue, my friend...

Notice: the heels!

Beckham turns 2! And Trip to the State Fair!

Two years ago beck struggled his way into this world with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, and although sometimes he makes me wish I had something wrapped around my own, I couldn't imagine our life without him.

Not a day goes by where he doesn't make me smile, and laugh out loud (usually when I'm suppose to disciplining him!)

We celebrated his actual birthday by taking all three kids to the fair. It has been years since we last went (thanks to pregnancies with the boys). The weather wasn't too bad, although Stratton was pretty hot in the stroller.

It did seem really crowded to me, but maybe that's because a family of five, with two strollers, is quite a big group to maneuver around at a place like that. Beck and Ky had a blast riding rides and playing games. And of course we came home with a bag of cotton candy (my fave!) Here are a couple pics from our trip.

Ky riding the dumbo ride. Beck was too short, and preferred the car rides anyways.

Bad to the bone! The birthday boy livin' it up!

They both wanted to do the bumper cars so bad, but neither were tall enough. Next year maybe...

This cracked me up! Stratton LOVES to play with the tag on his big stroller (which we rarely use anymore) But this shot makes it look like he's reading the safety warnings.

Happy second birthday my main man. All the little boys in this world and somehow I got two of the best. I'm one lucky mom!

Picking ducks!

Couldn't get Beck to look at me the entire time, too much to see!

Note to self:

Highly enjoyed my impromptu dance session with Stratton tonight. Bouncing around the room, in the dark, singing Curtis Chapman's "Do Everything" and listening to the sounds of his belly laughs.

Must. Do. More. Often.

Need to remember to LIVE life, and not let LIFE live me. (Yeah, I know it doesn't really make sense, but it sure does sound good...)

Thanks for the reminder, once again, that life is precious. And thanks for allowing me to raise three of Your precious children who teach me how simple life really is.

I feel so blessed.

Beckham's Car Birthday!

Although Beck doesn't actually turn two until this coming weekend, we celebrated last weekend with what-else-but-a car themed birthday party! I had fun making the invitations, and my mom helped out a ton with some of the other necessary items (thank goodness!!!)

Here's a pic of the invitations I made. The final ones turned out much cleaner, but since I didn't get a shot of one before mailing them all out I'll show you the rough draft, you get the idea....

I created a road map with markers and colors on easel paper that we put down on one of the picnic tables so the kids could color and create the town. They also had hot wheels they could play with on the roads, allowing their imaginations to run wild! All the sayings are phrases from the Cars Galore book, one of Beck's favorites from our local library.

"Fun Drive. Sun Drive.

Gotta Run Drive.

Cool Drive. Dream Drive.

Someday You'll Drive!"

I took two cardboard boxes our diapers get delivered in and turned them into race cars using directions I found online. I had so much fun decorating these! The first time I painted the one below, the flames turned out more like flowery vines and J said they belonged in a gay pride parade, needless to say, I ended up repainting them. It was pretty funny...hey, I'm learning to do this boy thing..its still all pretty new to me!

Born 2 Ride. I cut out a large square on the bottom so the kids could climb inside and play with them around their waist.

Setting up the chalk area before the party. It looked like rain all morning, but luckily cleared up right before we got started. The wind was terrible, but without it, we would have sweat to death because of the humidity so it all worked out in the end.

The best shot we could get of Beck in his shirt my mom made him. It says, "Does this shirt make me look 2?" Love it!

Treat bags I started and my mom finished. Of course they ended up looking WAY better than they would have had I done them all on my own!

Inside were car parts stickers where the kids could "build a car", car bouncy balls, candy, car suckers and such....

The cupcakes my mom made for the party. AMAZING right???? She never ceases to blow me away!

Cookies she also made. So freakin' cute!!!

Ky and Beck during the party.

Love this shot...

Bre hanging with Strat, who did pretty well till the end when he was over it and ready to nap.

The kids were invited to bring any riding toys, and they did, putting them to good use riding around the playground and pavilion area...

On your mark, get set, go!

Singing happy birthday. It was so windy we didn't even bother trying with candles. Oh well, he didn't know the difference...

Ky and Kenz enjoying their cupcakes...

Jordan not sure of the camera...

Beck chowing down...

Gabe and Addie, LOVE these kiddos!

Beck checking out his new train table Nana and Dampa got him. He LOVED it.

Beck and Jordan, doing what BOYS do!