Lord, give me Strength

I have always been a big believer in the idea that one learns more in times of struggle than in moments of contentment. Happiness, although enjoyable, is easy. Challenges...not so much. I have been very fortunate in my life to have had only a few really tough moments. I mean tough as in never forget, leaves a scar, still cry about it years later kinda tough. But having kids has introduced me to a whole new level of difficult. Personal struggles, although still difficult, are nothing compared to watching your child struggle. It pains me in a way that I can honestly say I have never felt before. Ky has had her handful of struggles that I would give anything to have taken away and burdened myself. Two eye surgeries by 5 years of age is something no child should have to suffer through. And although I know this is NOTHING compared to what some parents and their children are suffering through, having a child in pain is heartbreaking. Period. End of story.

I worry about Ky. She's so independent, stubborn, smart, and GOOD. Someone this sweet shouldn't have this, and other recent difficulties, in her life. I know these are the moments that will shape who she ultimately becomes, but as a mom, it is almost unbearable to see. Add to the mix the fact that she's a girl (and sure to be a very emotional teen) and that I happen to be her mom (let's face it, I don't know many girls who got along with their mom growing up) and sometimes the future seems terrifying to me. I love her so much, I depend on her so much. She is my everything. And she deserves everything GOOD that this world has to offer....and then some.

I have never claimed to be a strong person. But being a parent knocks me to my knees sometimes. I think of God, our Father, and I am in awe of his never ending love, compassion, patience, but most of all, STRENGTH.

I often pray a special prayer for my sweet little girl, because so often I feel like it is needed. I couldn't tell you why, or where the feeling comes from, but something tells me that it is the right thing to do. Having a child really is like watching your heart walk outside your body...It is the most amazing and terrifying experience there is, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

I LOVE Fall!

Top 5 things I love about Fall:

1. Sweatpants:

Alright, if you know me well enough, you are already aware that I pretty much wear these all year long. But during the Fall I can sport them to the grocery store and not get crazy looks from the people I might happen to see.

2. Cozy blankets and warm fireplaces:

For as crazy as I am about my children's safety and well-being, this is one area where I refuse to let them win (I mean seriously, they win ALL the time!). There's nothing like getting under the living room blanket with a cuddly child (or three) and enjoying the flickering of the fireplace and feeling the warmth on your face. And the way I see if, if they're dumb enough to go exploring...they'll learn pretty quick!

3. Halloween:

By far my favorite holiday.

4. Cool breeze and warm sun.

Makes it perfect for random afternoon strolls around the neighborhood and trips to the park.

5. Pumpkin Pie

Yeah, another one that we devour pretty much all year long, but its one of my favorites. I feel like the fact that it is Fall gives me full right to have a small piece for an afternoon snack, AS WELL AS dessert after dinner. And yes, small is subjective here =) (don't forget the cool whip!)

Top 5 things I hate about Fall:

1. I'm cold all the time.

Doesn't matter how many layers. To me, the only time one should be cold should be bedtime, when you can cozy up with a huge comforter and make a nice warm spot in bed.

2. Nature

I know its all a part of God's plan, but barren trees and brown grass does nothing for me.

3. Football

Yeah, I said it. Most people love it. and the fact that I'm putting it on my hate list AND I live in Texas, I might just get jumped for saying it. Anytime the t.v.'s free, J has it on, regardless of if he's watching it or not. Sometimes I just want some peace and quiet from all the noise...

4. Illness

The runny noses, trips to the pediatrician's office, and all night screaming sessions with the kiddos. And with Ky in kinder and Stratton being more active, It's sure to be a petri dish of germs around here for the next 5 months!

5. The Stir crazies...

This links with the above illness comment. Once the yuckies hit full force and the wind becomes a little too chilly, we're obligated to spend a lot of times indoors, something that I don't do very well with at all. Hoping to get a regular schedule of 'sickness free' places to go and run off some energy once it cools down too much to enjoy the outside.

Black and White, my rear end!

I remember back in my YOUTH, I would make mental notes of the parents and children around me. Thinking to myself, ''note to self: never do X'', "That will NEVER be my child!'', and ''seriously? what kind of mom is that?''. Well, I'll tell you what kind....NORMAL!! After having kids I openly admit that I am often times THAT mom I said I never would be. If only parenting was as black and white as I once imagined it to be.

Case in point....Three weeks ago we were strolling through Kohls looking for the footwear department when Beck spotted the toy section, and more specifically, the CARS in the toy section. After 5 minutes of him trying to take EVERY car off the shelf and line them up in the middle of the store, I tossed him over my shoulder and moved on. Needless to say, he screamed for the next 5 minutes straight, kicking all along the way. Yeah, that was my kid. If you were within 5 miles of the store I'm sure you might have heard it. I used to judge mom's dealing with children who acted this way, appalled at their behavior. Huh...normal, loved, disciplined kids do the same thing sometimes...who would have thought?

I conclude this story by saying that we ended up spending almost $30 on the ugliest pair of Disney Cars shoes I have ever seen! They were the ONLY shoes he would allow me to try on him, and he wanted NOTHING to do with any others. I remember once upon a time thinking...If I ever have a boy he'll dress super cute! Khakis and polos and loafers (isn't the picture in your head just adorable?) As if! Beck has on a t-shirt (usually stained or in the process of being stained) 100% of the time. And the world must be ending if this shirt doesn't have some sort of truck reference in awful blue or brown print. And said shirt is ALWAYS paired with a pair of basketball shorts. Not really the look I had alway envisioned. (not to mentioned that he's barefoot with black heels and toes most of the time) BUT, now I get it. Now I can look in the eyes of other mom's of boys dressed similar and smile and nod, exchanging looks that say, ''I feel ya, I get ya.''

Case in point #2...I was sitting in the checkout line at hobby lobby with Kylie today when she noticed a painting of Santa on the sale rack. I could tell the lady in front of me was listening in on our conversation when Kylie asked me if santa was real or if it was just a guy with a fake beard, because the lady in front of us chuckled. Hmmm...well, typically I would say of course he's real and move on. But Kylie isn't an ordinary kid. She has a steel trap for a brain and in the 5 seconds before I responded with 'yes', I had a mental image of a hormonal 12 year old shouting at me, ''its all your fault mom because you lied and said Santa was real! I can never trust you again!'' I am certain that this will happen...in fact, I would bet all the money in the world on it. But what's a mom to do? As a parent, we want to keep our kids young for as long as possible. So sometimes, we fib. Sometimes we stretch the truth.

I'll conclude THIS story by saying that we left the store and headed to gymnastics where Kylie 'tested out' of the silver level (yeah! I'm one proud mom!). But here's the kicker. Now there's a decision to make. #1: She moves to gold level and nothing changes, but a little tougher class. #2: She joins Team, starts practicing 2 hrs. a week instead of just 1, and competes with other gymnasts her age. And here comes the black hole. She's 5...I don't believe in packing her weeks with extracurricular activities that allows her no time to breathe or no time for us as a family to hang out. BUT, there is that competitive side to me that says, wouldn't that be fun??? If she trained more, she could maybe actually get really good. And then I think of my parents, and all they did that allowed me to go to college on an athletic scholarship. Who am I to snub off any chance of her being the best she can be at whatever she wants to do. (Enter the mental image of Ky at 15..."Mom, if only you had let me practice two hrs. a week when I was 5 I'd be in the olympics instead of sitting on the couch watching t.v. wasting my life away!'') ugh....this parenting thing is tough.

I wish I could say that parenting has a grey area. But seriously I think that is a WAY TOO simple description. It isn't black and white, and in my opinion neither is it grey. Its a black hole of difficult decisions and unforeseen consequences that sucks you in and spits you out in a matter of seconds while you try to maneuver blindfolded with your hands tied behind your back.

Yeah...good luck with that!

Giggles...

Staying home enables you to catch MANY humorous moments that you would otherwise miss. Lately, Beck has been cracking us up for no reason at all! My friend Hayley handed down this shirt of her sons. It was a true statement for Gabe, and its true for Beck as well! His parents ARE exhausted!

Today I sat Stratton down in the middle of the (clean) living room and asked Beck to grab him a toy and then I left to put clothes away. This is what I found upon my return...What an overachiever!

Or maybe he just wasn't sure what his little brother wanted. One things for sure, there wasn't a toy left in the toy box or shelves...and Stratton was a VERY happy camper!

Slacker...

So I've been slacking, its true. Somehow the everyday bustle of life is soaking up all of my time and energy these days. I blame kindergarten. With this new schedule, the kids are all down and usually asleep by 7:30, and I'm so done at the end of the day that I literally WASTE the last couple hours of each day watching mind numbing television, eating ice cream or cookies (neither of which I need) or just talking with Jason.

I realized yesterday that I never did my journaling for Stratton's 6 mo. entry in his scrapbook, and now he's 7 months. Ugh! Just-can't-keep-up!!!! Anyways, he doesn't go to the doctors until 8 mo. so hopefully between now and then I can play a little catch up and get back on track. Good news is his sleeping seems to be getting a little better. We took his paci away about a month ago in hopes of stopping his random night wakings, and it seemed to help the problem, but not solve it completely. I hate to say it, but he seems to just not be a sleeper (remind you of Kylie?) We have gotten a couple full nights sleep here and there, but on the stretches where it seems like DAYS since he slept well, I'm drained and about done with life all together. He's cut two teeth up top and is working on another one on bottom to join the three already there. My biggest problem with him is throwing up! He seems to have a super sensitive gag reflex, and for a baby whose teething, this usually doesn't end up so well. There are times where even a bite of stage two baby food (literally like a watery soup) will catch his throat the wrong way and an entire container will come right back up! Doesn't that sound like fun? Not sure what to do about this one, and I'm hoping its something he'll just grow out of, but until then, I guess we'll just flow with the punches...

It seems Ky is finally starting to settle into her school routine. She's still doing gymnastics, and is about to get evaluated to move to the next level. However, she's recently shown an interest in soccer (I know right, I'm trying not to get my hopes up people, b/c not sure I can handle a let down on this front) Unfortunately, this season is already well under way, so we'll see how she feels comes spring time. Fingers crossed this itch stays with her until then!

Beck is...Beck. He's talking like crazy now. Copies almost everything that comes out of Kylie's mouth. I think sometimes she gets frustrated because regardless of what is said, it always seems funnier coming from him, so I believe it seems as though she gets her jokes hijacked much of the time. His favorite two sayings are "no I do it" and "mine". He's very independent and thinks all things belong to him. We got a ways to go before we really understand this sharing thing, but he has moments where he can be very sweet and giving. We had a brief attempt at potty training, which only proved that he wasn't ready (not that I thought he was) So hopefully we can revisit that idea in a couple months. Last week Beck started gymnastics at the same place Ky does it. He LOVED jumping on the trampoline, but I think playing in the pit was by far his favorite.

Here are a couple random pics from the last couple weeks. I've been just as bad at taking pictures as I have been blogging and scrapbooking.

Beck checking out his big boy undies....which he wore for about a day before we gave up, for now....

Enjoying a popsicle outside, Beck has to close his eyes when he eats anything cold, its really quite odd....

One of my fav. pics currently. My friend Hayley dropped off some old clothes of her sons. Beck picked his fave. pieces and decided to run around the house sporting them all. A plaid hat, thomas pj top, clip on tie, and shoes that squeak when he walks...

Playing basketball with mom in the cool morning weather....can't wait for fall!!!!

Just a regular morning with the silliest boy alive...

A guilty conscience...

So there are numerous reasons for my guilt this time around, but I'll start with the worst one.

A little over two weeks ago Beck cracked his head off the VERY sharp corner point of the footboard on our bed. I had just thrown the comforter on the floor and was working on getting the sheets off the bed to be washed, when Kylie came jumping in. It only took seconds for Beck to follow. I guess he didn't realize the part of the comforter that was sticking up was covering the edge of our bed. He jumped right in, head first, pushing the comforter down and cracking his forehead on the point. It only took me two seconds to pick him up, but by the time I did, it was already the size of a golf ball. I have always heard that if head injuries swell out that it is a good thing. Even still, I called the pediatrician who asked a few questions, and said it seemed like he would be ok. It took the bruising about 2 weeks to heal, and then the concern started.

I realized that part of his forehead was actually indented and if you ran your finger across his head you could feel that there was a deep 'dimple' so to speak, right where he fell. I started to freak out, thinking that my son was going to permanently be scarred with this huge dent in the middle of his head, and more importantly, that there was damage that I didn't address when it actually happened. We took him in to get checked out and the doc reassured me that it wasn't actually a fractured skull like I thought. He said that what he did was essentially obliterate the fat cells that most people have between their skull and skin. LUCKILY, children have more than adults, and reproduce them until they reach a certain age. He said the dent SHOULD heal, although it might take years. I'd rather have heard something like WILL heal, instead of SHOULD, but right now I'll take what I can get. At the end of the day, I'm just glad that he won't have to walk around with a helmet strapped to his head (which is seriously the first picture that came into my mind).

Now, on to #2. I didn't realize until we made it back from vacation that Stratton hit his 1/2 birthday while we were there. When Beck hit this milestone, we stopped at annie's bakery for cupcakes, and we actually sang 'happy half birthday to you'. Stratton...not so much. Poor boy spent it baking in the sun and dealing with a runny nose, while his horrible mom didn't so much as remember he was turning 6 mo. And I wish I could give you his stats, but J left them, along with the box of wipes, at the doc's since he was dealing with both Stratton and Beck. I'm not sure if its because life is so busy, or simply because he's #3, but I'd be lying if I didn't say Stratton has gotten the short end of the stick around here. Just today I was on the floor playing with Ky and Beck while J cooked dinner. At one point he reminded me that our other son was just propped in the corner of our couch sitting there all lonely with not even a toy to chew on. I had honestly forgotten....how sad is that?

Alright, well I think that's enough confessions for one evening. I've included a couple pictures of Ky from her first week at school. All in all, it turned out alright. She was tired, and a bit bored. I think she thought she'd walk through those doors and start absorbing new info. I guess I should have prepared for her for the hours spend learning how to stand in line, and raise your hand (all of which she already knows). She was, however, able to keep her clip on green all week (which is great!) and because of that she was able to pick something out of her teacher's treasure box at the end of the week. I'm hoping things will start to pick up for her and that this coming week is a little easier for all of us!

This girl would wear skirts everyday if I let her...

Day #3...

I can never get Beck to sit still to take his picture, go figure he wouldn't leave so I could get a solo shot of ky. If you look closely, you can see the dimple on his head.

Just because sleeping pics make me laugh. Notice he's no longer swaddled. That's because he finally started rolling over while on vacation. MANY times he'll get himself in the strangest positions...his butt up against the corner of the pack n play with his feet straight in the air. We're still working on getting use to this rolling thing. Stratton has NEVER been a fan of sleeping on his tummy, even when he was very little.