praying for an answer...

It has been one of those weeks. You know, where you wake up and think to yourself..."just make it to bedtime". Beck has not been sleeping well all week. Going to bed, only to wake up a half hour later screaming. When he wasn't getting up at night (which he was doing 5-6 times), I was laying in bed WAITING for him to get up, because I knew it was only a matter of time.

We had his doctor appointment today, so we went in with a lot of questions, hoping the pediatrician could find what the E.R. doctor couldn't last weekend. After a long Q&A session, the doc is thinking reflux. I am weary of this for many reasons, the most important one being that this means daily medicine for who knows how long. But, the truth is, he has lost almost a pound since his last month check up (due to no interest in eating solids, and probably a decreased interest in nursing), and we need to try SOMETHING! So with that in mind, he had his first dose tonight, and I'm curious to see how it goes. Fingers crossed that this is the answer.

On a side note, I have come to the realization (at least for me) that it doesn't matter how many children you have, you always feel uncertain about the choices you make. Do you take him to the ER? Do you put him on medicine? Do you let him cry himself to sleep? Beck is such a different child than Kylie was. I had no problem letting Ky cry, because that's what she did...almost all day, every day. But Beck is so laid back that I almost can't stand to hear him in there screaming like he does. Who know how much of this is the fact that in the back of my head, I know he's my last one, and therefore the need to comfort might be just a little bit more intense. Not to mention the fact that I stay home now. THIS is what I do. All this being said...I believe (with a little forethought) that the baby stage is the easiest. I dread having to make decisions when it comes to my babies later down the road. Babies are easy: you feed them, you protect them, you love them. But later.....When to let Ky date? What to do if I disapprove of Beck's choice in friends? Just to name a few....the thought alone is enough to make me whimper. But, like everything else, we'll take it one day at a time, one step at a time. It's just sometimes the amount of responsibility I have as a parent really slaps me in the face and says, "Yes, you have the power to truly impact what kind of person this little child will be."