loosing it here...

breathe in. breath out. repeat.

that is what i have to keep telling myself. change is scary. it is good, but it is also scary. The house is full of boxes and rooms are bare, and I'm having a hard time catching my breath when I think of the fact that in two days time we'll be sleeping in a new room, in a new house, in a new town.

This past weekend, we took our in-laws to walk the new house while they were in town. It was a different experience from the couple of times I had been in it before. We own it now. that's a game changer. Walking through almost empty rooms with the remnants of other people's stuff...I couldn't suppress the feeling that it felt nothing like our home. the smell, the colors, the stuff...and I wonder to myself how long it will be until it does feel like home?

How will this change affect the friends I have made here? The friends my children have made? The safety and security I feel living in our current home is all going to disappear in two days...at least for an unknown amount of time. And I am reminded of how much I hate change.

I know this is the right decision. But there is just so much I'm letting go of here for the hope and possibility of something there. But its the leap in between that makes my head spin.